Chapter 11 Celebrate Work!

Reference:  Successful Marriages and Families, Hawkins, Dollahite and Draper, "Chapter 21, "Meanings and Blessings of Family Work," Bahr, Kathleen, et. al.,

Families working together is one of the four things that could "in a generation or two" turn society's "moral values" around.

-- Gordon B. Hinckley  

Boys 2 Men  -- Raising Workers is God-Ordained

Ian and Aidan, circa 2009

"I take every opportunity to involve my children in physical work. Not only is it one of our important family values, but because more work for them means less work for me. Also, around my happy little imaginings, there flits the fleeting image of a future daughter-in-law voicing appreciation that my diligence was appreciated. But for now, my motivation is off-loading the drudgery!"  -- Mom 

Define the Task:   Hey kids, "The walk needs shoveled." I thought that making that statement would be enough. The task would magically be completed. Not long after, I noticed the work was not progressing and I realized that with literal-minded children, I must give further direction.

• Moses 4:23, 25.  God cursed the land for Adam's sake meaning as a blessing. 

Be Specific:  so I added, "Start immediately."

• Neal A. Maxwell said "The divine attributes of love, mercy, patience, submissiveness, meekness, purity... cannot be developed in the abstract...or in a hurry.  

Be Fair:   I defuse the obvious incoming comparison bomb by assuring that the task was universal, "and involve your brother when he gets home."   This will ensure that some sort of sibling altercation will ensue, and with luck, the anger and frustration that results will be expended on the icy sidewalk.   Then I leave to run errands.

• Peter thought work was beneath Jesus' stature.  Jesus replied, "If I wash thee not, thou hast no part with me... ye ought to wash one another's feet... for I have given ye an example."  

Be Consistent:  When I return home an hour later and see no progress, I advance the process more forcefully, "Off the computer, back outside, and no coming in until it's finished."

• "The positive aspect of repetition is that it facilitates learning.  Reluctant helpers one day can practice working together again the next day."   Rituals of work can teach love, forge family ties, build family identity and promote the cumulative impact of small moments that form character, virtue and beliefs. (SMaF, 215)  

Be An Example:  Really, the only way to effect change is to join the masses as an example. It stinks, but in this early training phase, it seems to be the only thing that works. Chores are much easier to do it myself, but that's not an option when teaching work.  So true to form,  I join them and also begin the subtle manipulation. Chop, chop, chop. I try to echo their frustration. "I wish we didn't have to do this." Scrape, scrape, scrape. "This takes muscles."  "I'm going to be so buff."  

• "At every age, children respond best when working alongside parents or other children.  Also, The subtle difference between a mother who emphasizes how work is done and one who emphasizes what work is done yields startling results."  (SMaF, p 221) 

Encouragement:  "I'm surprised this is coming off this easy."   It's important for me to expend most of my energy talking and not a lot actually do their work for them.  For I have not raised total dimwits.  

• "Prosaic work (repetitious, mundane) requiring a minimum of focus leaves our minds free to focus on one another as we labor... inviting intimate conversation that binds us together." (SMaF, p. 215)

Cooperation:  "You two work well together."  Even if they don't, actually, yet.   They work best with a touch of competition and I'm sure that will become even stronger as two brothers grow and develop.  I try, "You lift and I think I can slide this under." And throughout the process I speak filled with a great deal of excitement. 

• Work offers parents an opportunity to exercise "attentive love."  Don't yield to society's "love one another, but only when you feel like it."  Housework may bring conflict, but joint activity with meaningful tasks increases solidarity and emotional bonding.  Inspired parents use family work to link and heal.  (SMaF p 219)

Enthusiasm:  Okay, I'm best at being the cheering squad, but hey, whatever works. "I'm impressed that you have done so much." 

• President Eyring suggests we seek opportunities to work in behalf of others.  "the Atonement working in our lives will produce in us the love and tenderness we need."  [When I made the bed,] not only did my love for her increase, but I also felt His love for her."

Reward:  And as we finish, the ultimate pay-off, "So what do you think this is worth, in purely intrinsic terms?"

• Journalist Jeannette Batz, "I plotted out a doctoral dissertation and began researching the symbolic and spiritual meaning of housework. What I learned convinced me that the chores I'd branded oppressive and mundane are creative and profound, bringing us closer to the earth, to each other and to God... when they are done with love. (Batz, 2007, pp 78-79)

More enthusiasm:  "Way to go! Wow, look what we've accomplished! 

"Unfortunately, I don't expect that most employers will expend this kind of energy to extract my level of work ethic, so I will begin the weaning from the mommy motivations.  And someday soon I hope that the words, "The walk needs work," will be enough.  Meanwhile, I reaffirm the comment I should have made to the neighbor who hollered over that I could just wait a day until the ice melts,"

 "We're not chopping ice, We're raising men."